apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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