I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
