Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
