Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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