I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
