hotel room ftw
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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