Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
