why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
