And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He better not be in your backpack
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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