The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
