its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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