Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
