maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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