Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
