she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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