Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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