I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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