I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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