I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
