vagina is talking i cant
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
