what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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