Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
