so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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