Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did I show you my penis last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
