you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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