The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
