Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
