Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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