She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
