Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
