I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
