No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
