You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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