I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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