i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
