True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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