I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
