guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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