I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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