i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
