Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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