Ambien. No doubt about it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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