ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
