he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
