I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
