all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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