So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
