I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
