We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
