Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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