***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
