Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
