I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
