apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
