You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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